Jun 20, 2008

Mustard Seeds

God is showing up everywhere these days. The grocery store, the tattoo studio, my hair lady's shop, Target, the gas station. It seems that where ever I go, there He is. Just like David wrote about in Psalms, there is nowhere that God isn't.

I find myself getting excited about going out of the house to run errands. And not just because I like buying fresh fruit and filling the fridge to make my family happy, but because I just love striking up conversations with people about anything. I used to freeze around "the lost" because I knew that my job, as a good Christian, was to share Christ, like He was a cake or something. What if they're on a diet? What if they don't like cake or are Gluten-intolerant? Then what? How do I bring Jesus into a conversation about the price of peaches? All this panic, geez! Now I just want to be kind, caring, open, fun and I've had the coolest conversations with people. So many that I've had cards with my contact info printed on them to give to these lovely nobodies (to borrow from Jim Palmer) in case they want to ever talk again.

This may be that Freedom that Jesus was setting me free for. I feel so much of His delight when I'm just being free to be me, that I feel delight in the people He runs me into. And my first thought or question isn't "where do you go to church?" It has ceased to matter to me. What matters is can I, just for this moment I'm with them, convey any of God's love and delight He has for them?

It surprises me every day, the things that don't freak me out anymore. Like when I found out that friends from the church I no longer attend think I've gone off the deep end. The only thing I felt was sad. Sad that I've been judged and labeled without one conversation taking place. Without one of these people calling me up to ask me about this journey God has me on. For all the years of serving, caring, coming alongside in community and only 7 people out of the hundreds I know have asked any caring, open questions about what's up, and they were the ones who asked me how it felt to have people think I've gone lefty-wacko nuts. If I had heard this a year ago, it probably would have thrown me in to that familiar pit of depression and self-doubt I have lived in for all my life. But I know beyond anything I've ever known that I didn't pick this journey, Jesus did, and He really knows what He's doing. Really. I wish my friends who don't ask could know that about Jesus. Know it enough to delight in whatever God is doing in someone else even if they don't get it.

I still freak out at times. I still find myself asking Jesus "so, how are you going to get me out of this fine mess?" and then freaking when He doesn't appear out of the magic bottle I just rubbed. Like the day we got the test results back for my son, who will be 15 in 11 days. Apparently he has Celiac disease and has had it for so long that my 5'10", 190 lbs. son is malnourished and his thyroid is out of wack. And he can never again eat gluten without causing severe damage to his body and immune system. But, it was the painfully embarrassing psoriasis that he's had for a year that God used to finally push me past traditional medicine (that wasn't working) into the food testing. That poor kid is allergic to 24 foods, a few of which are killing him. Now we get to wait to see what God's going to do with that as I clear out all the junk "food" and learn to cook for real this time.

Its the every moment, every day miracles that keep me amazed and living in expectancy for what God will do next in and through me. And I haven't picked up my Bible in months. Who knew that all the rules of being a good Christian and keeping God pleased were bogus. He really does delight in me, even if I never ever ever did anything for Him ever again. He really does order the steps of my path and it really is His job to perfect me into the image of Christ. Who knew that the things He said He really meant. For all the big plans and purposes that I'm supposed to have as a Christian, its been the everyday little things that seem to be making the most impact in my life and the lives of those I meet. Maybe that's what Jesus was talking about when He mentioned mustard seeds. If all I ever have are mustard seeds, then its enough to change the world.

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